I think I'm Crazy.

I just sent off an email to all teachers, support staff and administration at my boys' school. My heart is racing as I sit here in a weird kind of shock.

There are some major issues at their school that must be resolved and the catalyst for my involvement was the abrupt announcement on Friday of a fifth grade teacher quitting. Word has it that some of our veteran teachers(think 20 - 30 years, some have taught at the school since it opened) are not planning on coming back next year.

What I did on paper is quite harmless. Sent an upbeat survey to everyone asking for their anonymous input on a number of different issues and asking for their suggestions. I so desperately want this information, but am also scared to receive it.

I'm worried that my great relationship with the principal and A.P. may be damaged as some of my concerns lie in the way they have handled some important things.

I am worried that as a result of this "stirring of the pot" the administration may come down harder on the teachers and the teachers (in their minds) will be slapping my hand as I walk down the hall.

At the same time - if a survey asking how the PTA can better support the school in real ways is viewed by the principal as meddling and a threat, then we know how serious the problem is, and all the better to tackle it. Right, my dear?

How did I end up at the front of this?!?

I do want to make a difference. I do love our school. I do love, appreciate, and have deep respect for teachers. (but....)

I fear confrontation. My voice wavers when put in a place where emotions are running high. Any eloquence I may find while pontificating with Mike disappears when talking to a group.

I am terrified, but luckily supported by a large group of others. "Let me know what to do, Cheri, and I'll do it." Huh? Ummm.....does somebody else want to organize? Please? This is most likely going to end up on the Superintendant's doorstep, if not further. (Internal scream.)

I guess I should be thankful that I have a cause in front of me that I feel strongly about, and most likely will be able to make some sort of difference, and have some great friends who are rallying me.

But ughh.