Wow. What a day. My little buddy, Jake, and I had a rough one. There is something about this little full-of-life boy that can melt my heart and also bring out every parenting weakness I have. Sometimes I just feel as though I am completely losing control of myself. He's got a lot of energy, passion, movement, and expectations. If I am not on top of my game....things start spiraling. Not always in a bad direction, but ALWAYS in a direction. And always fast.
We are getting used to all being together all day (school let out last Friday) and trying to figure out a routine that works for all of us.
Here is a picture of the boy on his last day of school. Wearing his school pride shirt. Up at 6:15, in my room, dressed, clapping his hands with a huge grin on his face, singing "It's the last day of school!" over and over.
He was at school before the front doors opened. He wanted to run on the front lawn with the boys who are always early.
After school I took him out for ice cream. Something my mom did with us throughout our school years. Andy was gone at a friend's house, so Jake and I had a nice chat. He said he was kind of excited for summer, but was feeling really sad about not getting to see his teacher anymore or go to class. He asked me to commit to doing homeschool all summer. I agreed, and so far - so good. We started on Saturday - at Jake's insistence. The boys have been eager to do all their assignments and I have had fun coming up with creative ways to challenge them. We even did P.E. yesterday and ran laps.
Anyway, he's a good boy. I love him dearly. I just need quiet moments of reflection sometimes to slow down and not be reacting to his actions. He can be so great. Today I was done with cleaning up our one hundred stuffed animals for the six hundredth time, and said "each of you choose 4 animals, right now, and say goodbye to the rest." They each made their careful and labored selections and then it was time for me to feed Amelia. I sat on the couch and asked Jacob to grab a big bag and see how many of the leftovers he could fit into it. In a moment I noticed him quietly hugging each animal and telling them he would miss them and hoped that they would make another child "really excited."
Well, I think I've convinced myself again that I can do it. I am just going to have to find the energy to raise this child well. There is a lot of good, and I don't want it getting wasted on my watch! (that sounds bad, but sometimes it is SO HARD that I wonder if it's worth the effort. Not the child - the end behavioral result.)
I'm babbling. Ughh. Parenting is hard.
1 week ago
2 comments:
Cheri, you are a fabulous mom and I have always been impressed by your ability to not only "keep up" but channel the energy in such constructive ways. Hello! Jake is the smartest most creative kid I know his age (and always has been). I know it is hard but know that you are amazing and you do such an amazing job. Hugs.
You teach me So much about being a good mom. Just in reading this-knowing you, knowing your thoughts, & feelings going on behind the writing and then how you resolve it for yourself is HUGE!!! Something I admire and need to do more often. I love you so much. You have saved me and my kids on multiple occasions with your wisdom and your positive outlook and your productively listening ear. You are THE best-in the west (I had to add that.) Huge hugs and major admiration from my direction.
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